Yoga calms jagged nerves after a tough month at the ABC | radioinfo

Yoga calms jagged nerves after a tough month at the ABC

Thursday 22 November, 2018
"Feel that good will and integrity soaring through your charter, and when you’re feeling nice and smug and entitled, we’ll head straight into our downward facing federal budget cuts."

After a rough month of departures, claims and counter claims at the top of Australia's national broadcaster, it was time for a little relaxing yoga at the launch of ABC TV's schedule for next year.

The national broadcaster's leaders were all named in Sammy J's satirical yoga work out:

Put your left arm up, and your right arm as well. From here, get back up, and into our chairman of the board.

Remember to breathe, and bringing your arms out. You’re a plane. You’re a Jetstream. Floating through the air. You’re invincible.

And with me, you’re flying too close to the sun now, before crashing and burning, and bringing the managing director down with you.

Down we go, and feel the burn now. Feel the pain. Embrace it. Don’t walk away. Look straight at it. Face your fears.

Meanwhile, things are not so calm in The Chaser camp, with the group describing the ABC as “an institution in crisis” after the political satire team revealed it would not have a series on the public broadcaster ahead of next year’s federal election.

The comedy group has covered every federal election on the ABC since the 2001 contest between John Howard and Kim Beazley, but, according Charles Firth, the ABC says does not have the money for a new series.


 

 

"This decision, along with lots of other decisions" – the recent axings of controversial comedy shows The Checkout and Tonightly, for example – "should leave everyone in no doubt that the Liberals have done their work on the ABC and it's not the institution it once was," Firth told the Sydney Morning Herald.

An ABC spokesperson denied that the group made a pitch for a new election special and says that the group had already begun negotiating with commercial rivals.

It is thought that the national broadcaster has saved a few pennies and has however found enough to send the Chaaser crew for a private Yoga session with Sammy J. Here is the workout routine (the full text of Sammy J's ABC TV launch presentation):

We wanted to start today just by letting go of everything that’s happened over the past month, focussing on the year ahead.

So with your indulgence, I’d like to begin with a bit of ABC yoga.

Breathing out. Let’s start by getting in touch with our core programming.

So, just feel that energy surging down your Back Roads, down in all Four Corners of your body. And then bring our attention dow to our Insiders now.

Feel the spirit of Barry Cassidy all around you. In Barry we trust. There might be a little Laura Tingle down there, that’s ok.

Breathe her out.

Okay, from here, we’re going to move around into our kids programming. So, up into our iView streaming now. Take your time to buffer….

Be at one with yourself. Be at two with yourself. Thank you for those, who got the B2 joke. I took the day off after I wrote that one.

And moving now, all the way around and into our Spicks and Specks reboot. At this point, just forget the fact that Spicks and Specks was already rebooted once, completely from your memory now, and just enjoy the ratings surging forward, all the way to the roof, before transitioning down into ‘We don’t care about the ratings at the ABC’.

Of course this move goes straight into ‘Furiously checking the ratings on TV Tonight at 10 o’clock every morning’. In David Knox we trust.

Okay, from here, now we’ll move up into our public trust. So just feel that good will and integrity soaring through your charter, and when you’re feeling nice and smug and entitled, we’ll head straight into our downward facing federal budget cuts.

So just, feel that funding flowing out of you, really haemorrhaging out of every orifice there. Just push through the pain.

And, when you’re nice and weak, moving down into our accusations of bias.

Put your left arm up, and your right arm as well…

From here, get back up, and into our chairman of the board.

So, remember to breathe, and bringing your arms out. You’re a plane. You’re a Jetstream. Floating through the air. You’re invincible.

And with me, you’re flying too close to the sun now, before crashing and burning, and bringing the managing director down with you.

Down we go, and feel the burn now. Feel the pain. Embrace it. Don’t walk away. Look straight at it. Face your fears.

Form here, into our final move of course, the rebirth of the glorious David Anderson – rising, like a phoenix. Feel that support of the staff. Feel your deep life-long commitment to public broadcasting.

Okay, and from here, we’re going to finish with the Ian Henderson dignified final broadcast.

Sorry, there’s been a tech glitch, we’ll do that one tomorrow.

…. namaste.
 

 

And if you have never seen Sammy J's yoga satire, check out his LibSpill Yoga exercises.




 

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